Extending some of the care you give to others to yourself.
Taking care of yourself includes what you do for your health, the decisions you make, how you use your time and energy, and the things you do to support the life you want.
It also includes how you regard and respond to yourself.
Most of us already know something about compassion. We experience it toward people we care about: we want them to be well, and when they struggle, we want to understand and help.
Can I include myself in that same circle of care?
Think of someone you care about.
Imagine that this person is having a difficult time. Perhaps they made a mistake, failed at something important, were rejected, became overwhelmed, or are simply having a hard day.
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Compassion does not always mean saying “Everything is fine.” You might comfort someone, try to understand them, encourage them, help them solve a problem, suggest they rest, or tell them something difficult that you think they need to hear.
The person matters to you, and you want to respond in a way that is genuinely helpful to them.
Think of a recent situation in which you were struggling.
Perhaps nothing changes. You may already respond to yourself with considerable understanding and care.
Or you may notice that you become harsher, less patient, less forgiving, more demanding, or less willing to consider what you actually need.
The point is not to criticize yourself for being self-critical.Use these spaces as a private scratchpad. Nothing is saved or sent.
Self-compassion begins with reality. It brings understanding to what is happening, then asks what response would be genuinely helpful.
Acknowledge what is actually happening.
Perhaps you made a mistake. Perhaps something genuinely hurts.
Perhaps you are frightened, angry, disappointed, embarrassed, exhausted, or overwhelmed. Perhaps there is still a difficult problem that needs to be dealt with.
Self-compassion does not require pretending otherwise.
Become curious about yourself rather than immediately judging yourself.
What was happening? What was I feeling? What pressures was I under?
What did I know at the time? What was I trying to do? What made this difficult?
Understanding is not the same as making excuses.
Respond in a way that takes your well-being seriously.
That might mean comfort, encouragement, rest, perspective, asking for help, repairing something, setting a boundary, or taking action.
It may also mean allowing a difficult feeling without attacking yourself for having it.
Use these spaces as a private scratchpad. Nothing is saved or sent.
Compassion is not only something we need when life is difficult. When you care about someone, you probably want good things for them simply because their life and well-being matter to you.
Can you extend some of that same goodwill toward yourself?
This is not a prediction that these things will happen. It is simply the practice of allowing yourself to want your own life to go well.
Use these spaces as a private scratchpad. Nothing is saved or sent.
Self-compassion is more than something you say to yourself. Care becomes visible in what you do.
What would support me in this moment?
Rest, comfort, perspective, help, or room to feel what is here.
What would take care of my future well-being?
A boundary, an appointment, a repair, or protecting time and energy.
What would help me build something good?
Investing in relationships, interests, health, learning, or meaningful effort.
Care might mean resting when depleted, asking for help, repairing a mistake, making an appointment, setting a boundary, protecting time or energy, doing something difficult because it matters to your future, allowing yourself to enjoy something, or investing in relationships, interests, health, and growth.
Sometimes the compassionate action feels good immediately. Sometimes it does not.
Taking care of yourself includes what helps now, what protects you going forward, and what helps you build more of the life you want.
You do not have to wait until something major happens.
What is true?
What can I understand?
What would help?
What do I wish for myself?
The aim is not to become endlessly positive about yourself. It is to become more able to treat yourself as someone whose experience, health, happiness, and future are worth caring for.
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