Stephen Stotland, Ph.D.Psychology for Real LifeLet’s Talk
Self-Care Series · Client resource

Getting Unstuck

When you want to move forward, but something keeps getting in the way.

Sometimes you know that something matters to you, but you are not moving forward with it.

It is easy to respond by telling yourself to try harder, be more disciplined, or “just do it.” Sometimes that helps. Often it doesn’t.

There are many reasons people get stuck.

Start with one situation
Begin with something specific

Think of one situation where you feel stuck

Choose something that matters to you, but where you are not moving in the direction you want.

Keep this situation in mind as you explore. Your notes are not saved.

Start with curiosity

What’s keeping me stuck?

Explore the possibilities that seem relevant to this situation. More than one can apply, and what fits may change from one situation to another.

You do not have to select anything. These are possibilities to explore, not psychological types or diagnoses.

Open a cardConsider the questionsMark what may fit
An adult pauses between a workspace and a family space, considering two legitimate demands.01Pulled in two directionsPart of me wants this. Another part wants something else.Explore

Could this be part of what is keeping me stuck in this situation?

You may want the outcome but not everything that comes with it. Two important goals may compete with each other, or you may be pursuing something because you think you should want it.

Ask yourself

What does each side of me want?

What would I be giving up by choosing one direction?

A depleted adult rests her head in her hand at a table after sustained effort.02Running on emptyI may not have enough energy or capacity right now.Explore

Could this be part of what is keeping me stuck in this situation?

Stress, poor sleep, illness, emotional strain, too many responsibilities, or simply doing too much for too long can make even important things difficult.

Ask yourself

Am I asking more of myself than I currently have available?

An adult compares incomplete information in a community centre, unsure which practical step comes next.03Not sure what to doI want to move forward, but I don’t know how.Explore

Could this be part of what is keeping me stuck in this situation?

You may be missing information, skills, a decision, a plan, or help from someone who knows more than you do.

Ask yourself

What don’t I know yet?

An adult studies a partly assembled chair at a workshop, uncertain that he can finish it.04Not sure I canI’m doubtful that my efforts will work.Explore

Could this be part of what is keeping me stuck in this situation?

Past failures, criticism, lack of experience, or low confidence can make effort feel pointless or risky.

Ask yourself

What do I expect will happen if I try?

An adult with a folder pauses outside a closed office door, anticipating what may happen.05Something feels threateningTrying, failing—or succeeding—may bring something I don’t want to face.Explore

Could this be part of what is keeping me stuck in this situation?

You might fear failure, rejection, embarrassment, criticism, uncertainty, or loss. Success can also create new responsibilities, expectations, changes, or decisions that you may not yet feel ready to face.

Ask yourself

What might happen if this actually works?

An adult stands with a folded note after a difficult interaction, holding a feeling that is hard to move through.06Difficult feelings are involvedShame, anger, guilt, sadness, or resentment may be making this harder.Explore

Could this be part of what is keeping me stuck in this situation?

You may feel ashamed of needing help, angry that something is expected of you, guilty about prioritizing yourself, or hurt by what the situation represents.

Ask yourself

What feelings come up when I think about moving forward?

An adult handles immediate household demands while an unfinished personal art project waits nearby.07Something else keeps winningAnother priority, reward, habit, or demand keeps taking over.Explore

Could this be part of what is keeping me stuck in this situation?

The immediate option may be easier, more rewarding, more urgent, or more familiar than the longer-term goal.

Ask yourself

What am I choosing instead, and what does it give me?

An adult stands between caregiving responsibilities and unfinished work, facing a genuine external constraint.08There’s a real barrierSomething in my circumstances genuinely makes this difficult.Explore

Could this be part of what is keeping me stuck in this situation?

Money, time, health, caregiving responsibilities, other people, work demands, lack of opportunity, or circumstances outside your control may genuinely limit what is possible.

Ask yourself

What part of this problem is actually outside my control?

Pause and put it together

What seems to be keeping me stuck?

More than one thing may be involved. You do not need a perfect explanation. You are looking for a useful one.

Your notes stay only on this page and are not saved.

Different obstacles, different responses

What might help?

Once you understand the obstacle more clearly, different possibilities open up.

Pulled in two directions
Clarify and choose
Running on empty
Recover or reduce demands
Not sure what to do
Learn, plan, or ask for help
Not sure I can
Build evidence that you can
Something feels threatening
Understand and work with what feels threatening
Difficult feelings are involved
Understand what the feelings are doing
Something else keeps winning
Change priorities, timing, environment, or routines
There’s a real barrier
Problem-solve, adapt, or reconsider
Turn understanding into action

Make a workable plan

Use what you have learned about the obstacle to choose a response that fits.

One planning tool

What is the smallest useful step?

You do not have to solve the whole problem at once.

A small step is useful when it creates real movement, information, confidence, or momentum.

  • “Get in shape”Schedule two walks this week
  • “Deal with my finances”Gather the statements I need
  • “Figure out my career”Speak with one person in the field
  • “Fix the relationship”Start one conversation
  • “Finish the report”Draft the first section

Your notes stay only on this page and are not saved.

Treat the result as information

Try it. Then learn from what happens.

Your first explanation may not be completely right. Your first plan may not work.

That is information.

After you try something, ask:

  • Did this help me move forward?
  • What happened when I tried?
  • What did I learn about what was keeping me stuck?
  • What needs to change now?
  1. 01
    UnderstandWhat is happening?
  2. 02
    PlanWhat fits the obstacle?
  3. 03
    TryTake a workable step
  4. 04
    LearnNotice what happens
  5. 05
    AdjustUse the new information
Return to the question

What is keeping me stuck here?

The better you understand the obstacle, the easier it becomes to find a way forward.

Explore the possibilities again

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